Alley Nomi

My clock is throbbing for you

Yesterday was my first day getting messages on the dating site I decided to sign up for.  I got one message that made me laugh and maybe question my decision.  Today, this other dude and I had a conversation like this:

stupid dude: wat u up to

Me:  Nothing much, just working on a website and my blog.

stupid dude:  wat u mean love

Me:  I mean, we don’t speak the same language and it will probably hinder our ability to communicate, much less date.

stupid dude:ok i just said wat u mean byh working on a web site but ok take care

OK… Maybe I was a little harsh.  But, I give up, seriously!

Somebody please bring me some AA batteries

They are for my Wii controller.
I swear.

Why you should spell check before sexting me

“My clock is throbbing for you”

Really?! And what kind of clock would that be, a cuckoo clock?

Poor guy never had a chance.

Can anybody find me, somebody to love?

I have tried plenty of dating sites and I rarely, I mean probably only a handful of times, have I ever met up with anyone in person after talking to them online.  I am super picky about everything.  I know I shouldn’t be.  I myself am no spring chicken or Über super model.  

But, I won’t do old guys, I really don’t want to be a cougar, I have a preference for short brown, blonde or no hair and you must be at least “this tall” to ride this ride!  I also get weird about when and where we’ll meet.  I am often too lazy to get ready for a last minute date and if you don’t drink and occasionally at least smoke a joint or something, I will lose interest fast.

That said, I signed up for a couple of these sites again and will let you all know how it goes.  I am optimistic and keeping my hopes up.  For the most part, though, men who dig me.. I don’t like.  And the guys that I dream of being with prefer women that aren’t old, average looking and borderline crazy.

If all else fails, I still have my imaginary boyfriends. 

When did I eat popcorn?

Took my bra off, as I got ready for bed, and pieces of food came crumbling down.

Sex and the Border City - continued

It’s been an entire year since I started this stupid adventure of writing a mostly-fictional life story.  I can’t seem to find the right mood, feel, voice, whatever.  But, here’s a bit of chapter 5… still a work in progress and not very well written.  I need to find the time to sit down and do it right.  Feedback is welcome, good or bad.

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